Discussion #11: ^^But…What if?…

Posted August 10, 2015 by Keionda Lei Lewis in Discussion / 24 Comments

This post may or may not be kind of heavyish. But it’s also a chance for me to pour out some things that have been on my kind lately: Being a writer, yo, it ain’t easy. Let me tell you.

                     You go through so many things. [Just to name a few]: 

  • Insecurity (Will anyone like my stuff?)
  • Doubt (Pfft. Like I doubt anyone will want to read or even care about what I have to say.)
  • Meh Writing. (You don’t feel very much about writing today. But then you KNOW you have to because gosh, you can’t just NOT write. Pfft.)
  • Blah blah blah I HAS no creativity. (Brain farts, anyone? Very. Big. Ones.)

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These basically all tie in together but my point of numbering them for you was to show you these things exist. And I can’t tell you how many times I almost talked myself out of writing (whether it be for my novels or my blog) –》 ‘Tis tough, tough, tough.

And the worstest part?

Most of these insecurities are unrelenting and stubborn. They prowl inside my mind on a daily basis…. [like a 24/7 daily basis].

So the other day while I was going along and being too cool for school like I always am, I finally considered the fact that… ‘holy crap, someone is going to read my books one day. And…what if they don’t like it?’

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It’s not an easy feeling for me to be so open and vulnerable. Gosh–》 it was so hard. Mostly because I didn’t know how it would be perceived or I didn’t think anyone would care or I would be judged. 《– Mostly that.

But in those good days, the creativity is SLAMMIN’ THE vibes are all GOOD. But sometimes life had to throw in those meh and blah days in your face. It’s like a larger than average tennis ball ram sacking you in the face. Hurts really bad and can knock you down and take away all your confidence.

But what I love? Is that I have you guys to always pick me up and BE THERE for me. I’ve never met any of you (’tis my dream, yo) but still you guys are always so…just so…COOL. Being with you guys is like starting a new book for the first time. You know, that feeling of excitement and exhilaration. Tear. :’) There’s nothin’ like it.

Sorry guys, just wanted to get that off my chest. So tank you, tank you for taking the time to read it. Well….that is, if you didn’t skip to the very end. I know who you are. Yeah. I see you. Ha. No I can’t. I don’t have super powers–》that would be awesome though. 

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                             Over to you:

What difficulties do or did you face while writing? Do we have any in common? Tell me everything!

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24 responses to “Discussion #11: ^^But…What if?…

  1. I’m not a writer, but I imagine they all sort of feel this way. Who wouldn’t? Putting your work out there for readers to take it in word by word. I’d freak! But, you can’t let negative feedback stop you from writing more either. Remember, not everyone loves the same things. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

    • Being a writer IS stressful. Dealing with doubt and battling with insecurity is tough for sure! And you are EXACTLY right! Different strokes for different folks is an awesome way to put it. Thanks boo! <3

  2. My heart really does go out to authors because it must be so hard to put all your hard work out there and then have someone critique it and maybe that might not always be good. But just remember, book aren’t for everyone and sadly not everyone will love what you write, even if that writing is wonderful but it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good author or writer, just that some of us have different tastes than others. 😀

    • EXACTLY! I suffer with this every time I sit at my computer and write because I have a very hyperactive mind and just imagine the worst happen. It’s a hard knock life for authors. Thanks for you input Ali! YOU DA BOMB <3

  3. I think folks who don’t experience those feelings over something in their life or at least at some time in their life are fibbers. I know I’ve felt that way many times and yes, that is exactly when I need the people around me to help me get out of my head and get productive and positive again. 🙂 So feel and then deal.

  4. Ro

    Before we get too far, let me first say that I can’t believe that New York is even still around! (lol) Okay, now on to the important stuff. I’m with Super Sophia and believe we’ve all felt like that at some time or another. Bloggers or authors who put themselves out there have to have an entrepreneurial spirit to get out there and say things that may or may not be popular, hope our blog looks presentable, or that the dialogue in a novel is literary worthy. I think if you have no feelings about what you do or how others may feel about your work, you may not have the passion. You clearly have the get up and go, the talent and the perseverance. Have your bad days, then get back on that horse to do what you were born to do girl! Write and tell us, the people who want to see you succeed, all about it. We’ve got your back. BIG Hugs…Ro

    • Gosh Ro. You always make me tear up. YOU ARE SO FREAKING SWEET and I LOVE IT! This is why I do what I do so I can meet amazing people like you! You know what I’m going to do now? I’m going to take all of your KIND AS HECK words and paste them on my wall for inspiration when my bad days come around. (I tend to have those more than the good ones) So pray for me girl! Need all the divine help I can ’round these parts. xoxoxoxxoooxoxoxxoo

  5. My main problem is writing for recognition. I then read an article on Crew titled “Don’t write for applause” and it really helped me 🙂 My writing is better and less pretentious now, bwahaha!

    • That’s a good one Priscilla! DON’T write for recognition but sometimes isn’t it just so hard? You want people to like what you put out but not everyone WILL and that’s the toughie. Definitely about to use the article you mentioned. Thanks boo! <3

  6. Oh girl! You are cool too! It’s my dream to meet some of my blogger friends too!
    I love your reviews and respect the opinions you share. At times you steer me away from a book… or encourage me to get one… (like the Kiera Cass books over there ☛ )
    Hope you have a great week!

    Naomi @ Naomi’s Reading Palace

    • OMG you need to try the Selection girlllllll! I’m just going to have to bug you on Twitter now until you pick it up. 🙂 Teehee AND ‘TIS MY DREEAAMMM to meet all my awesome blogger friends! (Like you) I’ve met A TON of good ones <3

  7. I don’t write, but in a way I can see this for blogging too – just that sometimes you are motivated to write a post and sometimes not, and there is that anxiety sometimes that it’s not really important at all, so why am I doing it? But I love connecting with other bloggers and readers and it definitely makes it all worthwhile when someone comments or just stops by the blog! So I hope it will be the same for you when you get your books out there – there will be plenty of people who love your work, and it’s for them that you write!

    • I SO HEART what you said Charlene! Because it’s so true <3 I question myself all the time. SO much in fact that it all becomes exushting after a while, you know? And like you said, the most important part is that I love what I’m doing and focus on the people that DO love what I’m doing. Wise, wise words girl! xoxo

  8. Being a writer myself, I know these feels pretty well! I would agree with them – sometimes it is pretty hard to get through with all those feels. Which makes it especially difficult for me to give harsh ratings sometimes… but when it gets down to it authors do put their works out for speculation. Which means they have to grow a harder skin…

    • Developing harder skin… Girl, Olivia, this is something I’m going to have to work on because I always tend to be on the sensitive side of things. 🙁 This is going to kinda be hard but *shrugs* It is what it is. 😉

  9. I don’t write, but I think for blogging or for jobs this can apply as well. I often have insecurities when it comes to my company, whether I am doing things right, if I can improve things. Or I see others who have more clients than me and wonder why and if I can do something to change that, but they probably worked hard for it as well.
    And when I have a few quiet weeks all those things come rushing back and I start doubting myself and what I do and ugh it’s horrible. The only thing you can do is to keep going and hope for the best and do your best to make your work as good as you can. Those good days are great though.

    I also would love to meet other bloggers in real life. And the conencting with others and having people to talk to or who understand me is what I vallue so much in this community. Like when Smarties died and everyone is there saying how sorry they are and how they understand how much it hurts. I can be who I am and say what bothers me or not and you understand while people in real life often don’t.

    • I love your comment so much! Blogging can tie into it as well. And like you said, seeing other bloggers like us that have more followers or like you said with your company, others have more but yes, they too have worked pretty hard for it as well. Doubt is the killer of creativity! 🙁 And yes girl, I’ll always be there whenever you have a problem to help you and pick you back up because that’s what friends are for. 🙂

  10. Blerg WP ate my comment. *fingers crossed this one goes through* It’s really good to get that off your chest sometimes and just put it all out there. Gives it less power 😀 I think it’s the same for any field where you’re putting your creations/talents out there to be judged. It can be pretty overwhelming and never-wracking for sure.

    • *Shakes fist at WordPress* I hate when it does that and then that awkward moment where you’re sure of whether or not you should post the same comment again? Toughie. hehe I TOTALLY agree Anna! It’s always easier when you put all your worries out there so it gives it less power. It’s def overwhelming for sure! 🙁 Thanks for the support girl! 🙂

  11. Like Anna said just above me, you probably smacked away some insecurities by talking them out!!! Ya know, writing is brutal. We’ve all seen the authors go ape-*&^% when they get critical or bad reviews. Luckily you’re in the unique position of being on the other side and preparing yourself.

    YOU ROCK! You’ll be all good 🙂

    • I PROMISE I will never be one of those authors that goes ape crazy when someone rates my book bad (even if I agree with it or not) Some people don’t care for what you write or may not ‘see’ your vision for the book. So, thanks for that awesometastcial advice girl! I just want to give you a virtual tackling hug but for now, I’ll just give you a nice virtual wave. *Waves* xoxo!

  12. Awww Keionda, often sometimes when you put so much heart and soul into something, sometimes the doubt will take over. But I like how you came around at the end of your post and said so what? That’s what we’re here for, for the support!

    • THANK YOU JEANN! I love your support and the advice you gave me. It was just what I needed and like you said, it’s super, super tough to put your work out there where people are going to harshly judge you. Time for me to develop some THICK skin. *gulps*