*Blushes* This is gonna be one of those posts….

Posted October 26, 2015 by Keionda Lei Lewis in Discussion / 37 Comments


So….this idea just popped into my head–(because I’m just so awesome) *Dusts shoulders off*–and since I received a lot of awesome feedback from you wonderful homo sapiens, about whether or not sex in YA was acceptable LINK, that was where this epical post stemmed from.

                            And it also gives me quiet the dilemma…..


Since I’m saving myself for marriage, I find it rather ironic and cruel when having to write a very intimate scene *wink, wink* between my two characters when I have no idea how it goes….I mean, I know the mechanics of it and stuff, don’t get me wrong, and I’ve read plenty of descriptive books and have seen it sometimes in movies (even though I’m totally that one chick that hides her face and kind of blushes)–>And don’t even get me STARTED on if one comes on and I’m *shudders* with my parents or something…


But still, with that being said, trying to explain the mechanics and details of it solely based off of what I’ve seen and read…..

                                      IS EXTRAORDINARILY DIFFICULT.


                                Someone hug me. A virtual one shall suffice.

Sooooooooo…… I happen to be a Pinterest junkie and have a board (which I have made private because…TOO ASHAMED…) for which I use to pin up cute and inspiring pictures of couples, whether they be kissing or whatever, –>I solemnly swear there’s no R-rated stuff.) and I’ll pay extra attention when watching a movie and an ‘intimate’ moment comes on. *wink, wink* But then it’s still hard ya’ll.

I no joke.

I think it’s safe to say that I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FRICK I’M DOING. And I thought you guys should know how AWKWARD of a predicament this puts me in.

Not kidding. It’s really awkward.


                                Over to you:

 Any advice you guys can give me? I NEEDS to hear from you guys! What do you think would help me with finding that….creativity? That SPARK? when writing a love scene? How about some good “intimate” moments in YA that were your favorites? Quotes? Anything. I need something. 



37 responses to “*Blushes* This is gonna be one of those posts….

  1. Maybe….. just use what you’ve seen and incorporate it into your own style. And since this is YA you’re writing, you don’t have to get descriptive. Tips: It’s an uncomfortable feeling the first time. (These exaggerated scenes in books are far from the truth) It’s a mind thing, where the woman is concerned anyway. Give in to the great feelings that come, but don’t overthink it. If you’re gonna get descriptive or whatever, please have your heroine take care of body. No one wants a hairy purse. LOL! Trust me, it’s so much cleaner and you feel more confident.

    • Sooooo, can I start calling you Keisha? (Looks around awkwardly) I want to call you L, but that sounds kind of odd sooooo, yeah teehee, OH! And what you said really, really helps because MAN I’m sorta clueless when it comes to….”doing it” And I’ll try not to overthink it girl, like you said, it will be uncomfortable the first time and I’ll make sure my characters are awkward enough. bahaha

  2. I can see how that would be awkward but I think with most YA the scenes kind of fade to black after the initial kissing and taking off of clothes so you could always go that route. 😉

    • It is SUPER AWKWARD girl! But thanks for all of the awesome advice because all the feedback you guys give me is SUPER DUPER APPRECIATED! You have no idea how much you help me! <3

  3. nightowlbook

    i’m with kindlemom, fade to black is probably the best choice for YA scenes 😉

  4. Lol big hugs hun. All you gotta do is write how you would want it to go. Let it come easily an no reason to be shy or embarrassed bout sex cause it’s just a side piece to a relationship. <3

    • Thanks L! I’m going to take all of you guy’s epic advice because it all really helps. 🙂 I’ll try not to be embarrassed! teehee but I can’t make any promises. Haha

  5. YA romance tend to fade to black when sex scenes happen. Kind of disappointing but well.. you do what is comfortable to you, lol! I’m a virgin too and I think it would be REALLY HARD to write a review on what you haven’t experienced.

    • I’ve seen a lot of it fade to black (but GIRL, would be surprised at how “intimate” those scenes still are!) I think I just need to get used to writing them and stopped feeling so…shy? Teehee Thanks for this advice boo! <3

  6. Oh wow that must be difficult to want to write an intimate scene when you haven’t done it. Maybe just go with the flow and write an awkward scene? Or how you expect it to be? I actually would like to see some more awkward sex scenes in YA as the first time it will probably be awkward as you know you’re doing it for the first time. Just go with what you think feels right. And lots of research ;). I mean there are quite some authors who write about palces they never have been to or jobs they never had themselves and they manage to write about that too in a believable manner, so it must be possible. And you can always have a editor or beta readers pay extra attention to that scene and see if it feels realistic. Good luck writing that scene!

    • Girl, you can’t believe how difficult it is to write this intimate scene when I haven’t done it yet! I’m sure my first time will be AWKWARD AS HECK…But like you said, I’ll go with what I think feels right, even though it may be a little awkward at first. teehee Thanks L! xoxo

  7. Sophia Rose

    Hmm, I just mentally tabbed through my file of YA and I know I’ve read some pretty descriptive stuff, but honestly the YAs that really stuck with me aren’t necessarily the ones that got all graphic and textbook (insert tab a into slot b stuff). Most had no sex at all. The ones that did relied a lot on my imagination as the reader so didn’t insist on describing the mechanics.

    I find that most people who write graphic teen sex scenes don’t write authentic ones anyway. Teen sex is so raw, experimental, rushed, awkward, etc that it really is a hot mess and might be distracting more than anything. Though I suppose a few virgin moves can be cute or funny. We’ve all got our embarrassing firsts or can look forward to them. 🙂

    If you are writing from the third person narrator perspective or the heroine’s perspective, I think if you lead right up to it and establish the emotional connection or give the vague sense of physical connection, you should be fine. I read a writer’s workshop on sex in books and the thing I took away was that a sex scene should only be there if it advances the plot or develops the character. So the sex should be organic to the story and not just the writer feeling there needs to be some to titillate the reader or rescue a weak plot.

    I don’t know if that helps or muddies the water for you. Hey, just start writing and see what you get then find a beta reader who will give constructive critique. Good luck, Keionda! Love your enthusiasm and willingness to tackle a ticklish subject to learn something.

    • Soopphiaaaa! Thank you so much for all of this! Like, seriously! This is just the comment I was looking for. (I should have come to you sooner so I could get some advice because pfft, I’m clues when it comes to stuff like this! But like you said, it will be experimental, rushed, and AWKWARD. I’ll def add in the awkward virgin moves (like something I would do) And YES! You’re totally right! Sex shovel be something that is an emotional connection first, and then it should be organic to the story (and not just added in there just for the heck of it) I’m sure you’ve read some books like these!

    • Bahaha! So I’m sure you can sense how awkward I feel when writing the scene, eh? And I’m the same way! I always start to blush when I read an intimate scene but…I crave them at the same time if that makes sense? Probs not! hehe

  8. It must be tough. I mean, you have to consider your target audience and how descriptive you can be when it comes to the sex scenes. I don’t know. As much as fade to black can be frustrating to a reader like me, I think as a writer, you have to do what comes naturally. Otherwise, you’ll have your characters wallowing on a bed of awkwardness. Lol.

  9. I GET YOU, GIRL. I’ve seen this question floating around the Interwebz every now and then, and I’m like, “Yes, HOW?!” I just turned 16 and am also a firm believer in the no-premarital-sex thing for myself, so I’m definitely inexperienced in that front. Sophia Rose’s tips above are awesome, though! 😀

    Aimee @ Deadly Darlings

    • I’m SUPER DUPER EXCITED that you’ve taken the same vow as me! (Because pfft, if we can’t respect our bodies first, then WHO THE HECK WILL? I’m super inexperienced in this area since I’ve only ever just kissed, so…yeah…I’ll just try be a creeper and snoop on couples or pay extra attention while watching movies or shows… teehee

  10. Olivia-Savannah

    I know what you mean about it being awkward when it is something you haven’t experienced yourself. But at the same time, many authors write books about diseases and illnesses, as well as set in places that they have never been to themselves either. What you need to do is do the accurate research (okayyy that sounds weird. Well reading and movie watching or whatever) and just try your best to interpret from there xD

    • LIV! You are SO RIGHT chica! And actually, what you said makes me look at all of this “awkwardness” a little bit differently! Because you’re right, there are plenty of authors that write about things and places that they’ve never experienced before so I’ll definitely keep this in mind! Thanks boo! <3

    • I love how you put this Amber! I think the whole “Cable-TV” level sex works pretty well because they hardly ever show anything at all! This really puts things in perspective for me! <3

  11. jennifer@badbirdreads

    Oooh, yes, what a situation. It is so awkward to watch sex scenes in movies with parents!!! Anyway, I would follow the lead of your fav YA. Mostly there is just kissing and some touching then the scene cuts. There is so much kissing and fooling around in books, it should be easy to get tips on those.

    • Girl! Imagine how I felt when I was watching a movie with my parents and then a sex scene came on… I was all like… “Let me just lower my head..or leave…” Yeah, super awkward! And I’m always happy with the kissing and some touching and I think that’s where it stops. <3

  12. Personally, I find an intense kiss far more intimate than two characters having sex. I think when it comes to YA, less is more. Characters can be sexually active, but going into detail for me feels like it strays into new adult territory, especially when there’s a tad too many intimate type scenes. When it comes to sex, I think it’s the before and after that matter more when writing a ‘love’ scene. It’s awkward that first time, it’s not all cuddles and I love you no matter how most authors portray it. It’s more so ‘I need to get up and pee, even though I’m naked and he’s seen me, now how do I get up and find my clothes without him seeing me’. Even a scene like that infused with humour feels much more realistic. Go with your instinct Kei and I applaud you for wanting to wait until your married to take that step with someone in a loving a secure relationship <3 <3 that's really lovely to hear <3

    • I’M SO GOING TO COPY THIS COMMENT AND USE IT FOR MY INSPIRATION. That’s how friggin’ awesome-cakes it is! I love the whole idea that, no mater how it’s portrayed in movies and in books, it’s going to be awkward! I’ll start thinking of this more for when I really get down and write it! Now… to go and copy your comment. <3 Thanks Kels! muahhh!

  13. You know that awkwardness you feel about writing the scene? That’s pretty much how my first time went: awkward as hell… haha.
    Just write what you’re comfortable with. Fading to black totally works for me, especially if it then transitions to the emotional ramifications the morning after 😉

    • These are the types of answers I’ve been looking for girl! I need to focus more on the “awkwardness” of that first time that just the feelings and the notion that: “oh, it’s going to be all rainbows and cupcakes.” because…it’s not..hehe

  14. I’m a huge fan of fade to black in YA, mainly because I don’t enjoy reading about teenagers getting it on lol most of the sex scenes I’ve read in YA are not very detailed and leave it up to the imagination of the reader. And then there’s NA and erotica which can be very descriptive. I think it’s important that an intimate scene furthers the plot though, I don’t like it when they’re just there because they can be, you know?

  15. Lol this is actually a pretty hilarious post Keionda, especially the parents being around lol. Like any author, I think you’d just have to do research and read lots of romance scenes to see how they do it! I guess this brings about an interesting thing, about authors writing outside their comfort zone too. It does happen, and you can do it girl!

    • GIRL. This is my face when a sex scene comes on and my parents are around. o_O….I’m all like..yeah, let me just go anywhere BUT HERE. Bahaha! And believe me J, I’ll be doing a BUNCH of romance scenes researching girl, I just hope it’s not too awkward?? Thanks for the advice boo! <3

  16. Girl you never fail to crack me up! I think the best thing to do, is to imagine how YOU would want to do it. I know that sounds all the way perverted, but just think about whatever great, sexy man is going to be your husband, and go to town with your fingers. TYPING, not . . . the other thing lmao. You seem to be on the right track with watching movies with romantic scenes, so let that imagination do the rest. Good luck girl. & if you ever need a beta reader, let me know, I’d love to read some scenes and give you some feedback 🙂

    • It SO doesn’t sound perverted girl! I appreciate and NEED all of the advice I can get! <3 And OMG, like my eyes legit widened as I read the rest of your comment. Bahahahaha You’re too silly <3 And THANK YOU! I most def will be letting you know when I’m ready for a beta reader! I’ll even put you in the acknowledgments! REAL TALK. xoxo